Xanga Archives Part 2
Monday, June 11, 2007
Always and Forever
"Who am I? In the grand scheme of things - I really am nothing, but in the heavenly scheme of things..... I am His. I am called. I am an adopted daughter of the King. I am a princess. I am the crown of creation. And when my heart fails within me I know that He is my portion, and He never changes. Always and forever."
~ Natalie York - December 21, 2005 ~
Sunday, June 10, 2007
Held
Two months is too little.
They let him go.
They had no sudden healing.
To think that providence would
take a child from his mother while she prays
is appalling.
Who told us we’d be rescued?
What has changed and why should we be saved from nightmares?
We’re asking why this happens to us who have died to live?
It’s unfair.
This hand is bitterness.
We want to taste it, let the hatred know our sorrow.
The wise hands opens slowly to lilies of the valley and tomorrow.
If hope is born of suffering;
If this is only the beginning -
Can we not wait for one hour watching for our Savior?
This is what it means to be held.
How it feels when the sacred is torn from your life
and you survive.
This is what it is to be loved.
And to know that the promise was
when everything fell we’d be held.
-Natalie Grant-
Friday, June 08, 2007
Friday Felicities
Nattie had her very own Meme called Friday Felicities. The point is to take time-out in the midst of wading through all the pain and turmoil and irritations that plague our everdays, and list the things that actually make us happy. The things that are GOOD. So, in honor of Princess Natalie The Duchess of York - I bring you, Friday Felicities.- Sunsets over mountains.
- A lion and a tiger mixed, bred for its skills in magic.
- Biting into a ripe peach, with a little bit of that juice dribbling down your chin.
- Finding a daisy growing beautiful and tall next to my car this morning. Nattie was a firm believer in the Meg Ryan mantra: "Dasies are the happiest flower."
- Soft crushed ice.
- Friends who meet me at the door after a long day with hugs, because they feel my pain too.
- My Mom - who can decipher words through tears and the suppy-sups.
- Smaller numbers on the scale.
- FINALLY figuring out a cool way of wearing my hair in a pony tail without feeling as though my face is going to fall off!!!!!
- My Napoleon Dynamite t-shirt.
- The Weight Watchers menu at Applebee's.
- Leaning over the edge of a cliff, with the wind whipping your hair around your face.
- Snakes that are more afraid of me than I am of them.
- Turning right, when I should've taken a left.
Thursday, June 07, 2007
My Natalie
She went Home today.
Nattie is dancing with Jesus.
In perfect health. In perfect joy. In perfect peace.I miss her. 
"Hope.... sometimes it is blinding like the spring sunshine. Sometimes it is a gentle warmth that comes with kind words. Sometimes it washes over you like waves in the ocean and sometimes it just envelopes you slowly. Sometimes it is like water in a dry land, but it is there if you look for it."
Nattie Rose York - 1973-2007
Monday, June 04, 2007
What I lack in brains, I make up for in smooth legs.
In spite of the fact that I'm drowning in emotional turmoil, my friends always help me maintain some sense of..... normalcy. As is demonstrated in the following excerpt from an email conversation earlier this morning:Me: This weekend I Nad'ed my legs. Hurt like a mo fo. BUT - they're all nice, and silky smooth. PLUS I shouldn't have to do this again for about 6 weeks, so it's a small price to pay. Anyway, I put the fabric strips in the washing machine when I washed my towels - and they came out clean, but the lent trap in the dryer was filled with lent and LEG HAIR!!! *giggles* Gross.
Dana: is your dryer, perchance, Catholic?
Me: lent, lint - WHATEVER.
Friday, June 01, 2007
Kill the Sarx
Instructions:
1. Put your music player on shuffle.
2. Press forward for each question.
3. Use the song title as the answer to the question even if it doesn’t make sense. NO CHEATING!
4. Optional (by clothedinjoy): Include applicable songline and commentary.How do you feel today?
...And We're So Close to Perfection- My Epic
"Is this the end of it all?" Yup, that sounds about right.What’s your outlook on life?
Overjoyed - Jars of Clay
"Who am I that I should company with something so divine?" Mercy waits... the story of my life.What does your family think of you?
Last Song - Matt Pond PA
"Unrefined, the pitch of pines, grass stained shirts, and f****d-up hair, to breathe outside the stillness." Oh, my. How apropos. hehe.
What do your friends think of you?
Strawberry Fields - John Lennon/Paul McCartney
"Always, no sometimes, think it's me, but you know I know when it's a dream. I think I know, I mean a 'Yes', but it's all wrong, that is I think I disagree." That kind of speaks for itself.What do your exes think of you?
Cannonball - Damien Rice
"There’s still a little bit of your taste in my mouth, there’s still a little bit of you laced with my doubt, it’s still a little hard to say what's going on". Hehe, right.How's your love life?
I Am Trying to Break Your Heart - Wilco
"I am trying to break your heart, I am trying to break your heart, But still I'd be lying if I said it wasn't easy, I am trying to break your heart." Yes, yes I am.How will your love life be in the future?
The Runaways - Anberlin
"You only stand to break my heart, I can tell it by the way you runaway." Eh, that's pretty typical.Will you get married?
Any Given Sunday Outro - Jamie Foxx
It's just a musical outro. But any given Sunday? BRING IT.Are you good at school?
Just Watch the Fireworks - Jimmie Eat World
"Here you can be anything. Anything that scares you. I think that scares you. Here - I've been here before, but only by myself. Myself.." This should be the anthem of every homeschooler out there..... we're given opportunity to be anything! But for me, the potential scared me into mediocrity and laziness. Just watch the fireworks....Will you be successful?
Banana Pancakes - Jack Johnson
"...cause I love to lay here lazy; we could close the curtains, pretend like there's no world outside." So... I suppose it really depends on your definition of success.What song should they play on your birthday?
I Believe in Love - Dixie Chicks
"Love is out there waiting somewhere, you just have to go out and find it." Blah, blah, blah.What song should they play at your graduation?
Sponge - Judd and Maggie
"Though I wake with resolve, That all drips off as the day wears on, You're in my heart somewhere, Though tempests rage and souls they slave, The grace of Heaven won't ever lessen." I don't think I'll ever graduate. At least, I hope not anyway.The Soundtrack of your life?
While You Were Sleeping - Casting Crowns
"As we're sung to sleep by philosophies, That save the trees and kill the children, And while we're lying in the dark, There's a shout heard 'cross the eastern sky, For the Bridegroom has returned, and has carried His bride away in the night."You and your best friends are?
Weighed Down - Jars of Clay
"Light of the world are you still here? And are we illuminating? When love becomes a delicate display; so weak, dissolved by anything." Holy cow. My iPod is psychic.Happy times:
Goodbye Sky Harbor - Jimmy Eat World
"'Is tomorrow just a day like all the rest.' How could you know just what you did? So full of faith yet so full of doubt I ask." [happy sigh]Sad times:
Fighting to Survive - Building 429
"And I, I'’m fighting to believe that there is hope for me somewhere beneath the least of these."Every day:
The Long Day is Over - Norah Jones
"With no reprise, the sun will rise. The long day is over." Seriously, I couldn't have planned these songs any better!!! I am my iPod. And my iPod is me. *nods zenly*For tomorrow:
Let's Get it Started - Black Eyed Peas
"And the base keep runnin' runnin', and runnin' runnin', and runnin' runnin', and runnin' runnin', and runnin' runnin', and runnin' runnin', and runnin' runnin', and runnin' runnin', and..." Well, you get the idea.For you:
Let Go - BarlowGirl
"Cause I´m about to let go, and live what I believe. I can't do a thing, but trust that You'll catch me - when I let go." And there's that.What does next year have in store for me?
Curious - Holly Brook
"I've put my theories to the test - you know I've tried to do my best, but maybe we weren't meant to strike gold. Sometimes things that you ignore are all the things I'm looking for. Will I learn to let go? Give into love and listen to my soul? I'm so damn curious to know, and there are too many unanswered questions that we hold on to." Hammer. Nail. Head.What do I say when life gets too hard?
Empty - Building 429
"But I've found peace with you again - though I'm holding out my sinful hands. Delivered and captured again - though I was living like an empty man, you'll be washing me, as you're leading me to the end." Generally my life gets too hard by my own hand, but occassionally? It's just... hard. It's at those times when I'm wrestling with G-d that I'm most at peace with Him.What song will I dance to at my wedding?
All Deliberate Speed - Mae
"We could drive and we could take our stuff on out of here. We'll leave with the sunrise. This place and this city it's good for nothing but for feeling down. Let's say we'll break it." *does a little jig*What do you want as your career?
The Butcher - Matt Pond PA
"Open up till midnight, the butcher waits for someone’s desperation that goes beyond control. Speaking is an invitation." Sounds like a motivational speaking gig.Your favorite saying?
How Come You Don't Call Me - Alicia Keys
"I'll get down on my knees, hoping you please.... Oooh, won't you call me sometime, Papa. Why on earth can't you just pick up the phone?! You know I don't like to be alone. How come you don't call me? How come you don't call me?" bwaahahahahaa - um.How will I die?
My Father's Gun - Elton John
"I'll take my horse and I'll ride the northern plain - to wear the colour of the greys and join the fight again. I'll not rest until I know the cause is fought and won. From this day on, until I die, I'll wear my father's gun." It depends on what your individual metaphor would be for "my father's gun", but I'll tell you - it's a constant struggle to put the sarx (σαρξ) to death........and that's all I have to say about that.
Tuesday, May 29, 2007
Just shoot me.
I attempted a more substantive post, but it came out very gray, dull, and tired. That's because I am gray, dull, and tired. So... I'm reverting to my old friend: The Bullet Blog.
- I feel like I've been run over by a truck.
- Physically I'm in pain.
- GOOD pain.
- I've made efforts toward increasing activity.
- Training for my upcoming trip to AZ.
- June 23-29
- Working with the AICM (Apache and Navajo nations).
- Craig mentioned something about a mile high hike.
- I don't want to have to be airlifted to the emergency room...
- ....so I'm in training.
- Emotionally, I'm in pain.
- I struggle with my own selfish emotion in regards to what's happening to Nattie.
- It's not about me.
- It's her cancer.
- She doesn't want, or need my pity.
- She needs my support.
- And normalcy.
- She's going to fight.
- And we're going to war for her.
- Truthfully, though?
- My heart is absolutely broken.
- And I don't even know how to pray.
- Which leads me to....
- Spiritually, I'm in pain.
- GOOD pain.
- I'm being stretched
- and my spiritual person is being worked just as hard as my physical.
- But it hurts so good.
- I've been transplanted from the comfort of my root-bound pot.
- I've been given more room to grow, but my roots are tired from digging for nourishment
- I would like to just kind of sit here, and reacclimatize myself.
- There's just no time.
- There's a sense of urgency.
- Dig deep.
- Grow big.
- Heal fast.
- For such a time as this.............
He rises and begins to round,
He drops the silver chain of sound,
Of many links without a break,
In chirrup, whistle, slur and shake.For singing till his heaven fills,
‘Tis love of earth that he instils,
And ever winging up and up,
Our valley is his golden cup
And he the wine which overflows
to lift us with him as he goes.Till lost on his aerial rings
In light, and then the fancy sings.- George Meredith (1828-1909)
Sunday, May 27, 2007
Inoperable.
Natalie's cancer.... it's inoperable. She will be offered chemo as a means of extending her life. And now? We can only pray. It's all I've got.
Thursday, May 24, 2007
The Book Thing
I'm feeling rather withdrawn, but Juliegurl tagged me - and I thought I'd go ahead and participate.
1. Grab the book closest to you.
2. Open it to page 161.
3. Find the fifth full sentence.
4. Post the text of the sentence to your blog.
5. Don't search around for the coolest book you have, use the one that is really next to you.
6. Tag five people to do this.
"Wow! She had me dead to rights." -Greg Behrendt from the book He's Just Not That Into You. It's the book I keep in my desk drawer here at work, and I don't really know why! Well - it is one of my favorite reads. I'm a sucker for hot guys with a sarcastic wit. *shrugs* So sue me.
Speaking of hot guys with a sarcastic wit - I'm going with a group of friends tonight to see PIRATES!!!!!! I have a thing for Jack Sparrow. I'm tho exthited!!!! I had every intention of whipping up an outfit so that I could go dressed as a wench, but that didn't really work out. I think it'll be a fun time regardless. Everyone has their tickets, and I designated myself as the go-stand-in-line-for-three-hours-so-that-we-don't-have-to-be-relegated-to-the-front-row-while-trying-to-watch-1000-foot-tall-pirates-battle-back-and-forth-across-the-screen person. So, stand in line I shall!!! I've got stuff to do, and hopefully everyone will join me at the theater so that I don't have to wait by myself.
Oh, and for those of you who have been begging to see a picture of my new hair - I accommodated in the new profile picture. It won't be there for long, because I really do NOT like that picture of me - but my hair looks freakin' awesome in it. *giggles* JUST SAYIN! So, I'll leave it up for the next little bit.
Ok, lemme tag some people and get outta here:
- Angie - Brandon - Steve - Sarah - Shaun -P.S. Thank-you for continuing to pray for my NattieLatte. She has her surgery consult today at 2:30 PM (EST), and we'll know more about what stage her crancer (typo intended) is in. Updates to come! Thanks again for praying... and if you could - leave her a little note of encouragement on her blog which can be found here: http://nattierosewrites.com/mt/
Monday, May 21, 2007
Please pray.
Afternoon update: Nattie's appointment w/the oncologist is at 9:00am tomorrow. Please be in prayer for her today and as she takes these baby steps toward the unknown. We serve a big God, and He's not surprised by any of this.
Quick update: I was wrong. It's not lymphoma. It's adenocarcinoma of the stomach. They're trying to get her to an oncologist today. Thanks for praying.Nattie let us know today that the biopsy came back positive. She has been diagnosed with Lymphoma. Please pray for my dear, sweet friend. Specifically that the CT scan will come back clean, except for the main cancer site - that overall it is minimally invasive, and in the early stages.
Thanks, everyone. Updates to come...
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